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This page was updated on: Friday, 10-Dec-2010 16:09:17 GMT

Bereavement

Grief is experienced when something/someone we love is taken away from us. Moving house, moving countries, the death of a loved person or pet…all these things cause us to grieve.

Grief is a gut wrenching pain, emotionally exhausting and a lonely business. There are no short cuts. Alcohol and drugs dull the pain only temporarily, and create further problems of their own.

Some experts talk about stages in grieving.

People can pass between bargaining with God (“If you let him live, I’ll go to church every Sunday”), denial (It’s not really happening!”), anger against God and the world generally (It’s all your fault!”), guilt (“It’s my fault. If only I had…”) acute depression and suicidal tendencies (“There is no point in going on without him…”) and several other stages before being able to come to terms with what has happened.

There is no particular order, you may find that you pass from one to another and back again.

Grief has no timetable.

People say that time heals the wound, but when the wound is raw, that is not what you want to hear. Be patient with yourself.

Take one day at a time. Don’t make revolutionary life changing decisions like moving to another part of the country, until at least six months have gone by. Grief paralyses rational thought. You may find that you can’t remember things like your own telephone number.

Food might make you sick, or you may comfort eat and gain a lot of weight.

Do not be ashamed of your tears. Just as God gives us laughter when we are happy, He blesses us with tears in moments of sadness.

I find that the English “stiff upper lip” is very unhelpful for healthy grieving. Jesus cried when his friend Lazarus died, we may surely also cry. Even people of strong Christian faith find saying goodbye very difficult. It is normal to ask if God really cares. If you cannot see his love anymore, look around and see it in the love and care of your friends. God is love, and those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.

It is important to talk about your feelings. Our bereavement group meets on the third Monday of each month at the Rectory, 1 Sherringham Close, Fawley between 2.00 and 3.30. We drink tea, listen, talk and cry together.

Please join us.

We would love to meet you.

The Lord be with you and grant you His peace.

Lord God,
You are attentive to the voice of our pleading.
Let us find in your Son
Comfort in our sadness,
Certainty in our doubt
And courage to live.
Make our faith strong
Through Christ our Lord.
Amen

(A prayer from Common Worship Pastoral Services)

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